The Me In My Head

I wrote several times about the person I see in my head compared with who is really there is the pictures and the mirror. TB was messing around with photoshop last night and sent me this picture. This is just about spot on to the person I see in my head.

I think I will print it and tape it up on my desk so that it can motivate me. Here's what I really look like:

Exercisiing and the Neighborhood

Should I be surprised that the neighborhood can influence how much exercise you get? Of course not. But here's another article that identifies a problem but hasn't any suggestions for a solution. The problem is too big to be solved. If you live in a neighborhood where you are afraid you might be robbed or killed of course you will be less likely to go for a walk. If you live in a such a neighborhood, you're also very likely to be too poor to afford a gym--otherwise you'd move to a safer place, right? Therefore the obesity level would be higher in poorer, high crime neighborhoods. Amazing, Dr. Watson! The whole article is here.

I would love to be able to walk in my neighborhood. There are no sidewalks but I would be able to walk along the side of the road down to the lake and back. The reason I don't exercise in my neighborhood has more to do with pain than anything else. I'm also afraid I'll fall or faint and not be able to get back up. Still, I need to do something. I can't lose weight anymore just by dieting.

Why am I trying to lose weight when I want the surgery anyway? The less I weigh the better off I'll be!

Nana Needs To Lose A LOT of Weight

I've posted before that I have an image of myself that is thinner than I actually am. It gets me into trouble when I'm trying to maneuver around and sometimes I've been shocked and embarrassed when I couldn't fit somewhere. Mostly, I can't bear to look at pictures of me.


Who is that? That can't be me,. I think. I don't look like that!

But I do. And now I'm the heaviest I've ever been in my life which is why I need the surgery. I haven't been able to get the weight off using other methods and I'm tired of pain and tired of people staring at me like I'm a freak. Usually when I post pictures, I either don't post any of me or I crop everything out except my head. But here is the truth of it from when I was outdoors blowing bubbles with Little T.



I remember feeling surprised when people didn't notice or realize I'd had a breast reducton. Now I understand why--that's a big belly that takes up a lot of the picture!


I have a pretty smile but I don't think that's what people are staring at when I walk by. They don't smile at me--that's how I know. There's a look of distaste or disgust which really annoys or upsets me. It's definitely time to do something!

I realize I won't get down to what I weighed when I graduated high school. Maybe I won't be able to even get this far. This picture was taken a little over 15 years ago. I was about 25 poounds overweight.



I'd e happy with my weight in this picture, taken 5 or 6 years ago.



That's my darling TB on the left of me, by the way. He's in on this with me too.

So here is the big reveal. I'm at 318 lbs now and need to lose at least 100 to feel healthy again. Wish me luck!