Becoming the deadly apple

So now I've become an apple: a woman with a 35-plus size waist. I have high blood pressure already and am now at an increased risk for a heart attack. Why did I let this happen to me? Here's another good reason I must lose weight:

According to the research, elevated health risks seem to come along with a waist measurement of greater than 35 inches in women and greater than 40 inches in men. Abdominal fat is worse than fat on your buttocks or thighs because that extra fat surrounds important organs such as the liver and pancreas. When you have fat in this area of the body, your body can't use the insulin produced by your pancreas efficiently — and that leads to insulin resistance, which causes high blood glucose levels. In turn, the high blood glucose puts your organs at higher risk. If you lose weight, the amount of fat stored around your waist and important organs will decrease, and they will work better, helping you stay healthy.

The advice to reduce abdominal fat is an exercise program that doesn't skimp on other areas of the body:

The best approach is a well-balanced program that includes aerobic activity (anything that gets you breathing hard), strength exercises for your entire body and stretching. For health gains, try to do at least 30 minutes daily.

I need a good chair exercising program or a swimming pool but we can't afford a gym. What a bind! :(

Write It Down

I know I'm supposed to keep a food journal. When I do, it does help me stay in line. My problem is that I keep forgetting. I'm really good about it for the first 3 or 4 days but then I begin to forget. Why is that?

From Everyday Tips:

...a food journal gives you a tool to monitor your progress and identify patterns in your eating habits.

The feedback from your food journal can also strengthen your weight-management skills. Write down a complete list of your meals and snacks within 15 minutes of eating. Most successful record keepers total their numbers at the end of the day or the first thing each morning on a weekly summary sheet. Keeping good records is a skill that takes practice. Most people don't enjoy keeping records, so you may stop and start from time to time. But even done sporadically, it's worthwhile work so you can check in on your diet.

So I guess starting and stopping every three days isn't too bad after all. Still...I'd like to remember to do this everyday!

Apatrim

Has anyone seen something that seems to be an article in their newspaper called "Demand soars for 'fast acting' diet pill"? The article goes on to talk about this miracle drug, apatrim, that suppresses appetite and makes people lose weight. It's so popular, according to this article, the phone lines are jammed with callers and supplies are limited. Wow! A miracle drug, just what we've been waiting for!

What could be wrong with it, too? There was this research study that shows the drug works within minutes to suppress your appetite. Even better, dieters "don't have to starve or suffer through intense exercise and it's been clinically shown to get great results."

And also, "Apatrim contains an amazing compound that has a known ability to help control hunger pangs*. This allows people to eat the foods they want, they just eat less*."
Aha. We'll get to those stars in a minute.

How does it work? "The active ingredient in Apatrim comes from a plant that grows in India. This 'miracle' plant is Caralluma Fimbriata and it has been used by native tribes in India for centuries to reduce hunger and quench thirst during times of famine and drought."

TB and I saw this in our Burlington County Times and thought it sounded great but a little too good to be true. And was this a real news article or an advertisement? I decided to check it out online. Well, well. Here's what I found:

Diet Drug Report

Newspapers around the country are running full-page ads -- disguised to look like regular news pages -- filled with misleading claims for a new 'miracle' diet pill called Apatrim that allegedly enables dieters to lose weight without either cutting back on eating or increasing their exercise.

The pages contain a bylined story from the Universal Media Syndicate (intended, no doubt, to be confused with the Universal Press Syndicate, which carries columnists such as Dear Abby and William F. Buckley Jr.) urging overweight readers to phone a toll-free number to order "every dieter's dream." ...

What we can confirm is that Caralluma Fimbriata, like the South African "succulent" plant Hoodia Gordonii, has indeed been chewed for many years by Indian tribesmen during long hunts to suppress appetite and enhance endurance.

But from there, the breathless weight-loss claims for Apatrim not only become more suspect, but seem likely to ultimately involve its distributor, PatentHEALTH, LLC , with the judicial system. ...

The so-called clinical trial referenced in the ad, an anemic study that involved only 26 participants followed for four weeks (a serious Phase III clinical trial of a diet drug would involve thousands of participants tracked over at least a year), was sponsored by the developer of Slimaluma -- not Apatrim. ...

Slimaluma was the first to start marketing a weight loss pill using Caralluma Fimbriata. Gencor Pacific, which makes Slimaluma, has sued the company making Apatrim for

false advertising, false comparative advertising, and a variety of other charges stemming from their efforts to sell a a non-extract Caralluma fimbriata powder product.

And those stars? Well, at the end of the article, there was a * and it read: "These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration..." Why is this is such small print?

Another miracle drug bites the dust as far as I'm concerned!

The Me In My Head

I wrote several times about the person I see in my head compared with who is really there is the pictures and the mirror. TB was messing around with photoshop last night and sent me this picture. This is just about spot on to the person I see in my head.

I think I will print it and tape it up on my desk so that it can motivate me. Here's what I really look like:

Weight and Inadequate Sleep

As I sit here wrestling with insomnia it occurs to me I'm totally not surprised that there's a link between lack of sleep and being overweight/weight gain. In my case, pain and complications of being overweight prevent me from getting a good night's sleep. By day, I'm more listless and less likely to exercisse than I would be if I had enough sleep (roughly 7 hours). Lately, I've been sleeping 2-4 hours, waking for several and then sleeping again for another 2-3. That's just messed up.

The Everyday Health newsletter had an article about being starved for sleep last month. They cited two studies conducted about weight and lack of sleep.

New research suggests that people who don't get enough sleep tend to weigh more -- and that sleep can affect levels of the appetite-regulating hormones leptin and ghrelin.

"There is a dynamic balance between proper sleep and proper health. Sleep deprivation affects weight and a lot of other things. If you cheat sleep, there are a number of consequences, including affecting your hormones, appetite and mood," said Dr. Patrick Strollo, medical director of the University of Pittsburgh Medical Center's Sleep Medicine Center.

The article suggests if you don't get enough sleep, pay attention to your eating habits. If you can't get the sleep you need, go for a short walk rather than snacking on foods. Right...that's if you're not too tired to go for the walk!

Say No To Coffee Mate

Well, someone is always finding out harmful details about tasty products. Now it's Coffee Mate, which is something I enjoy occasionally. I knew it was fattening but I liked to pretend it wasn't so bad. But...here is what I found out:

A serving size is a teaspoon. Who takes a teaspoon of creamer? C'mon, be honest! One teaspoon won't flavor the 20 ounces I drink at one time. There's almost 15 calories and .99 grams of saturated fat in a teaspoon of Coffee Mate. As I say, who uses just a teaspoon? Most of us use more like a tablespoon. It adds up!

Just because it says "fat free" doesn't mean it is.

If a product has less than 0.5 grams of fat per serving – trans fat, saturated fat or total fat – a manufacturer can round the number down to zero. So if an unrounded teaspoon has 0.27 grams of fat and you add a rounded teaspoon to a warm beverage a few times a day ...

That adds up too!

What to do? There's always good old milk and, happily, there's either fat free Land'o'Lakes half'n'half or fat free International Delight dairy creamers. Thank goodness!

The whole article is here.

Exercisiing and the Neighborhood

Should I be surprised that the neighborhood can influence how much exercise you get? Of course not. But here's another article that identifies a problem but hasn't any suggestions for a solution. The problem is too big to be solved. If you live in a neighborhood where you are afraid you might be robbed or killed of course you will be less likely to go for a walk. If you live in a such a neighborhood, you're also very likely to be too poor to afford a gym--otherwise you'd move to a safer place, right? Therefore the obesity level would be higher in poorer, high crime neighborhoods. Amazing, Dr. Watson! The whole article is here.

I would love to be able to walk in my neighborhood. There are no sidewalks but I would be able to walk along the side of the road down to the lake and back. The reason I don't exercise in my neighborhood has more to do with pain than anything else. I'm also afraid I'll fall or faint and not be able to get back up. Still, I need to do something. I can't lose weight anymore just by dieting.

Why am I trying to lose weight when I want the surgery anyway? The less I weigh the better off I'll be!

Not Doing So Well

We've been under a great deal of stress recently and I know I gained weight instead of losing it. :( I have to look around a find a food therapist--one that will help TB and me with our emotional eating.

Weight Watchers had an interesting article about couples and weight gain. It's no surprise to me that couples gain weight together! It's certainly true that TB and I have similar BMIs! On the upside, we are "more likely to achieve better results if they tackle weight loss as a couple." The whole article is here.

I have read several articles now that tell me even drinking diet soda can lead to weight gain. I'm still not sure I agree but I sure can't dispute the fact that I'm gaining. Doubters? Read this article. Now I see some acceptable alternatives to soda and I need to try them:

1. Water--I always used to drink ice water until we moved to NJ. The water around here is full of iron but I guess I can drink bottled.

2. Green tea--I am not a fan of tea but I do like this on occasion. It's full of anti-oxidants too.

3, Sweet stevia--I never heard of this one! Apparently it was banned for a while because the FDA needed to research it. It has no carbs nor calories and seems to help with diabetes and glucose intolerance! Let me go try that one!

4. Diet tonic and lime--I've never tried gin and tonic but this is what it is minus the alcohol. Hmmm....

5. Low sodium vegetable juice--I like V-8!

6. Coffee--without all the yummy creamer I've been drinking! I have to switch back to first 2% and then 1% milk

So...I just have to keep on trying.

Nana Needs To Lose A LOT of Weight

I've posted before that I have an image of myself that is thinner than I actually am. It gets me into trouble when I'm trying to maneuver around and sometimes I've been shocked and embarrassed when I couldn't fit somewhere. Mostly, I can't bear to look at pictures of me.


Who is that? That can't be me,. I think. I don't look like that!

But I do. And now I'm the heaviest I've ever been in my life which is why I need the surgery. I haven't been able to get the weight off using other methods and I'm tired of pain and tired of people staring at me like I'm a freak. Usually when I post pictures, I either don't post any of me or I crop everything out except my head. But here is the truth of it from when I was outdoors blowing bubbles with Little T.



I remember feeling surprised when people didn't notice or realize I'd had a breast reducton. Now I understand why--that's a big belly that takes up a lot of the picture!


I have a pretty smile but I don't think that's what people are staring at when I walk by. They don't smile at me--that's how I know. There's a look of distaste or disgust which really annoys or upsets me. It's definitely time to do something!

I realize I won't get down to what I weighed when I graduated high school. Maybe I won't be able to even get this far. This picture was taken a little over 15 years ago. I was about 25 poounds overweight.



I'd e happy with my weight in this picture, taken 5 or 6 years ago.



That's my darling TB on the left of me, by the way. He's in on this with me too.

So here is the big reveal. I'm at 318 lbs now and need to lose at least 100 to feel healthy again. Wish me luck!

Just another thing to add to the list of complications...

After posting about our decision to get bariatric surgery I read an article that came in my email from CBS news:

Fat Belly Linked To Dementia
NEW YORK, March 26, 2008(CBS/AP) Having a big belly in your 40s can boost your risk of getting Alzheimer's disease or other dementia decades later, a new study suggests.

It's not just about your weight. While previous research has found evidence that obesity in middle age raises the chances of developing dementia later, the new work found a separate risk from storing a lot of fat in the abdomen. Even people who weren't overweight were susceptible.

That abdominal fat, sometimes described as making people apple-shaped rather than pear-shaped, has already been linked to higher risk of developing diabetes, stroke and heart disease.

"Now we can add dementia to that," said study author Rachel Whitmer of the Kaiser Permanente Division of Research in Oakland, Calif.

So if we're not done in by a heart attack or a stroke, we might just lose our minds. Wonderful. If ever there was good reason to lose weight, it would be the risks of getting hit by any one of these things.

Read the whole article here.

Surgery or Not Revisited

Well...never say never. I was positive I did not want weight loss surgery and if I even considered it, I would only be interested in the lap band. Many months later of pain, increasing disability and inability to enjoy life, TB and I have come to the conclusion that we need and want the surgery.

Yesterday we went to the N.J. Bariatrics Center. This wasn't our first visit. A couple of weeks ago, we went to an informational seminar about the two types of surgery and we had the opportunity to meet both of the doctors, Dr. Brolin and Dr. Chau. The seminar provided a great deal of information and input from a man who'd had a bypass a couple of years ago. We were especially impressed with this man and decided to schedule ourselves an appointment to see Dr. Chau, the surgeon who does the lap bands. Dr. Brolin does riskier bypass surgeries.

If we thought we were informed at the seminar, we learned even more at the consultation. We met with Dr. Chau who explained in detail the benefits and risks of each surgery and what they entail. We also met with a dietician who explained what our lives would be like -- food wise anyway -- post surgery. An insurance specialist explained all the steps we needed to take for precert. The whole process will take 3 months.

TB and I decided that since he is in the most intense pain and the one who needs to get back to work, his procedure will come first. Our next step is to get letters of support from our doctors and to begin a paper trail that shows we are getting counseling about the surgeries.

TB decided that although he is terrified of it, he wants the bypass because it will help him faster. It scares me but I can't sit here and dictate to him what to do when his pain is so severe he gives his quality of life a 1 on a scale of 5. That's pretty sad for a man of only 54.

And so we're off on this new journey.

Always Hungry

One of my biggest stumbling blocks to eating healthier to lose weight is that I always seem to be hungry after the second dzy on the plan. Some plans say I shouldn't let myself get to the point of feeling hungry; others say I just ought to suck it up and get used to it. To lose weight, we have to suffer the hunger pangs. So when I got my daily Managing Diabetes newsletter I was interested to see an article about constant hunger. The link for the article is here.

The first question I have to ask myself is: am I feeling genuinely hungry or do I just want to eat? Hunger is a physiological response and all you want to do is fill that empty stomach. Appetite is different. You just seem to want a specific food--like potato chips, maybe?

How many calories would I need to not feel hungry all the time? The article says:

If you go on a very-low-calorie diet of less than 1,000 calories each day, you will feel very hungry much of the time. It is better for you to eat more calories each day — say 1,200 to 1,500 — for a slower but longer-term weight loss. In the long run, severely restricting calories can backfire, leaving you feeling constantly hungry and constantly wanting to eat. And no matter how much you cut back while you're on the diet, you can't eat so little forever. You'll eventually need to learn to eat at a higher calorie level to maintain your weight.

Well, I don't know about this...when I was on Weight Watchers, I'm assuming I was eating the upper limit of calories 1500-1600 and I still felt hungry! I can only stand feeling hungry for so long before I start raiding the pantry for everything I can find and then I gain it all back! I don't seem to have the will power I did when I was younger.

I should see a nutritionist...

Here I am, like the proverbial bad penny, showing up here again. I'm sticking with blogger this time--it's just easier.

I really enjoy reading my newsletters about diabetes. One offers some delicious recipes and the other very useful information. This article is about insulin resistance:

10 Fascinating Facts about Insulin Resistance
By Amy Tenderich of www.DiabetesMine.com

If you have diabetes, you're surely familiar with the phenomenon of insulin resistance, or the body's reduced ability to respond to the action of the insulin hormone. Insulin resistance is typical of Type 2 diabetes, in which – unlike in Type 1 – the body still produces insulin but is unable to use it effectively. What happens is, your cells fail to break down glucose molecules to generate energy, so your blood glucose (or blood sugar) runs abnormally high.

Having spent the last three years researching a variety of topics around diabetes, I've learned some fascinating facts about insulin resistance, which remind me what a complex system the human body is. For one thing, I've learned that what scientists really know about it seems to fit into a walnut shell. For another thing, it's far more widespread than you might imagine.

Let's have a look at some of these amazing particulars about insulin resistance:

1. Scientists are still not sure what causes insulin resistance, and massive research efforts are underway to determine the cause. Some researchers think a defect in specific genes causes insulin resistance, but little more is currently known.

2. People with insulin resistance often over-produce insulin that their bodies can't use. This causes something called "reactive hypoglycemia" or low blood sugar following meals. In other words, the body "overshoots" its own insulin needs, causing a large spike in insulin, followed by a drop in blood sugar. Over time, these repeated insulin spikes may lead to a decrease in pancreatic reserve, or more insulin resistance, and eventually Type 2 diabetes. Therefore – counterintuitive as it sounds -- hypoglycemia is often an early sign of Type 2 diabetes.

3. Here's one that puzzled me: it's estimated that 20-25% of the healthy population may be insulin resistant, but not all people with insulin resistance develop diabetes. Scientists simply do not yet know why some people with insulin resistance eventually develop diabetes and others do not.

4. What we do know is that insulin resistance is aggravated by physical inactivity and obesity, because too much fat interferes with our muscles' ability to use insulin. Lack of exercise worsens this effect. A recent study showed that even in sedentary people aged 60 and older, adding regular short-term exercise into their routines not only improved insulin resistance, but also significantly enhanced their beta-cell function – which helps the pancreas continue to do its job producing insulin.

5. Ever heard of Syndrome X? This much-hyped combination of physical problems is now more commonly referred to as "Insulin Resistance Syndrome." The reason is that people with insulin resistance and high glucose levels tend to have the following factors in common: excess weight around the waist, high LDL (bad) blood cholesterol levels, low HDL (good) cholesterol levels, high level of triglycerides (yet another fat) levels, and high blood pressure. This can be a deadly combination, leading in particular to heart disease, if not treated aggressively.

6. When it comes to diagnosing insulin resistance, there is no single test that can directly detect it. Instead, a doctor has to look at the full clinical picture, including checks for the above-mentioned indicators of Syndrome X, and several others. Nothing is ever easy with diabetes!

7. There's a link between insulin resistance and polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS), a health problem that can affect a woman's menstrual cycle, ability to have children, hormones, heart, blood vessels, and appearance. Many women who suffer from PCOS have problems using the insulin produced in their bodies. Some researchers conclude it's insulin resistance that causes the PCOS, but others say the cause is unknown. It's estimated that 30-80% of women with PCOS are also insulin resistant. PCOS is the most common cause of infertility, which – in case scientists can eventually prove a cause-effect relationship – would mean that insulin resistance indirectly presents itself as a leading cause for infertility.

8. ... and men get hammered, too. There's some scientific evidence that men who are insulin resistant also have low levels of testosterone secretion, the most important sex hormone in the male body. Low testosterone can spur decreased sex drive, erectile dysfunction (ED), and lowered sperm count that reduces fertility.

9. Osteoporosis is another potential problem resulting from insulin resistance. As noted, insulin is a "master hormone" that controls many anabolic hormones such as growth hormone, testosterone, and progesterone. Your bones are actually built upon the command of such hormones. When these hormones are reduced, the amount of bone building is reduced, and the amount of calcium excreted is increased. So you end up with brittle bones, susceptible to fracture.

10. Finally, the good news is that you can heal insulin resistance. I don't say "cure" because that concept is quite controversial. Changes in your diet and exercise habits can substantially aid the body's ability to balance insulin levels. This begins with avoiding processed food, sugar cereals, high-sodium snacks and soda, and instead concentrating on lean meats and dairy, high-fiber grains, and vegetables. Regular exercise of 30 minutes or more per day, 3-5 times a week is also beneficial for regulating metabolic function and hormonal balance. Many new drugs are also available to increase insulin sensitivity, including Metformin, Januvia and Byetta. But does bringing your insulin resistance into check mean you have cured it, or "cured your diabetes"? Most doctors would say no. As long as your glucose levels are in good range, and you're living healthy, it depends on your perspective, I suppose.

Amy Tenderich is creator of the popular web log www.diabetesmine.com and co-author of the guidebook, "Know Your Numbers, Outlive Your Diabetes."

I didn't mean to do this but I've learned that copying the entire article--even when I mention the author's name--still violates copyright. I was looking to try and find a direct link to the article and haven't been able to yet. The blog by the author, Diabetes Mine, has so much useful information! That link is here.

Doctors Treating Fat People

I can feel for these people. They are in a real bind. Obesity is on the rise and it causes any number of health problems. It's probably the leading cause of premature death--or if it isn't yet, it will be. Doctors know this and so do us fat patients. So what is there to do?

Most doctors will mention your weight one time and then delicately not bring it up again unless you do. They figure you know what's what and if they nag, you might not come back to see them when you get really sick.

Then there's the other doctors who tell you they can't help you until you lose weight. Even when they mean well, they can do more damage to you than the ones that ignore the issue. My husband TB and I saw a pain management doctor the other day. TB has been out of work since mid September because of intense pain from spinal stenosis. He was referred to this guy by the rheumatologist and we thought TB was going to get an epidural.

But the doctor wouldn't do it. He told TB, "I don't want you to break my table." He said it very matter-of-factly, not contemptuously. Still words like that hurt. So was he supposed to spare our feelings by putting it another way or covering up by saying he wanted TB to try water physical therapy first to see if that helped? I'm not sure. I was very annoyed, though, when I asked if he treated other types of chronic pain and he answered, "Most of my patients are obese, if that's what you're asking me."

It wasn't.

He didn't rule out the epidural entirely. He just wants TB to lose weight first. What he did do, however, was prescribe another medication for pain and physical therapy in water. He recommended that I go along and follow the exercises because it would benefit me too. That stung a bit.

He also recommended we cut out red meat--we don't eat it every week any more so that's not new--and chicken! Chicken too? Apparently yes. We should be loading up on beans, fish oil to make us feel full, and fish. Hmmm.

Should we feel upset with the doctor for refusing to give TB the epidural?

Some years back I went to a doctor because my breasts were so large and heavy I was getting spasms in my neck and back. The doctor said, lose weight and I'll help you.
I was still suffering in 2005 and told my rheumatologist (same one who recommended TB to the pain doctor), telling him what the doctors said previously. He said, "That isn't always possible and this way, you'll get some relief from the pain." He referred me to a surgeon who did the breast reduction and I did feel so much better.

Around this time in 2001, a friend of mine had a bypass surgery so that he could lose weight and have spinal surgery to relieve pain he was in. My friend seemed to be doing okay after the surgery but died suddenly on the day he was supposed to be discharged from the hospital. Would it have been different if the spinal surgeon had operated in spite of my friend's weight? I don't know...and I guess that's why I don't know what to feel about the issue.

In desperation

I have decided to write to Dr. Phil. Even if his producers just blow off my letter, it's got to be therapeutic, right? TB and I are under so much stress it's going to kill us sooner than later. Well, I have a very long soap operish sob story to write so I better get to it!

Chinese Food Been Very Very Bad To Me

What's up with that? I've ordered shrimp and Chinese vegetables--cabbage, carrots, snow peas & water chestnuts--and steamed dumplings, didn't eat any rice and still my sugar after two hours was 207. This is the second time it's happened and it's really throwing me for a loop. I thought this type of Chinese food should be healthy? I went online, looking for answers and found this:

Sometimes, even when you think you’re doing everything right, your blood sugars may not respond as you expect. Often this will be due to one or more of the biologic curiosities that affect diabetics. The purpose of this chapter is to acquaint you with some real phenomena that can confound your plans, but which you can frequently circumvent if you are aware of them. ...

The explanation lies in what I call the Chinese restaurant effect. Often Chinese restaurant meals contain large amounts of protein or slow-acting, low-carbohydrate foods, such as bean sprouts, bok choy, mushrooms, bamboo shoots, and water chestnuts, that can make you feel full.

How can these low-carbohydrate foods affect blood sugar so dramatically?

The upper part of the small intestine contains cells that release hormones into the bloodstream when they are stretched, as after a meal. These hormones signal the pancreas to produce some insulin to prevent the blood sugar rise that might otherwise follow the digestion of a meal. Large meals will cause greater stretching of the intestinal cells, which in turn will secrete proportionately larger amounts of these hormones. Since a very small amount of insulin released by the pancreas can cause a large drop in blood sugar, the pancreas simultaneously produces the less potent hormone glucagon to offset the potential excess effect of the insulin. If you’re diabetic and deficient in producing insulin, you might not release insulin, but you will still release glucagon, which will cause gluconeogenesis and glycogenolysis and thereby raise your blood sugar. Thus, if you eat enough to feel stuffed, your blood sugar can go up by a large amount, even if you eat something undigestible, such as sawdust.

The first lesson here is: Don’t stuff yourself. The second lesson is:
There’s no such thing as a freebie.* Any solid food that you eat can raise your blood sugar.

Hmpf. So why do I feel hungry again after loading up on Chinese food...an hour later? That I still need to find out.

I lost a half a pound, woo hoo...okay, it's not much but I think of it as 2 sticks of butter. It's also great considering all the stress we've been under this week. All the females in the house are having wild mood swings and it's nearly unbearable! The lunatic behavior of women have even extended to our grandson's bus driver!

And now for something completely different: a lot of grown food has so much chemicals and hormones added to the fertilizer and water you're better off getting the organic varieties. And yet, here are some that -- according to Dr. Weil -- are still okay to buy:

11 Items You Don't Have to Buy Organic
The best way to reap the health benefits of fruits and vegetables without exposing yourself to potentially harmful pesticides is to choose organic produce whenever possible, especially those varieties which are more likely to be contaminated. But if organic produce is cutting into your budget, it's okay to buy non-organic varieties of the fruits and vegetables listed below, which tend to contain the least amount of pesticides. However, make it a habit to wash them thoroughly before eating or cooking, to remove dirt and bacteria.

Asparagus
Avocados
Bananas
Broccoli
Cabbage
Corn (sweet, frozen)
Kiwi
Mangos
Onions
Pineapples
Peas (sweet, frozen)

It's a relief because you know that organically grown foods are twice as expensive!

Update on Us

TB and I are wearing down under the enormous stress we're under. My sugar is out of whack again, I've gained weight and I have tingling toes and fingers which could be stress, diabetic neuropathy or Reynaud's. I already know that I have Reynaud's phenomenon and am hoping it's just an episode of that and not neuropathy or something equally evil. For years, I noticed that sometimes my fingers and toes would look blue and feel cold and a doctor told me it was Reynaud's and probably due to low thyroid function. I think stress plays a role in it too--probably more malevolency caused by too much cortisol!

TB is struggling to cope with what's happening to him. He's not able to work right now because of spinal stenosis. He is in so much pain he can barely stand to walk for more than a few minutes at a time. He has no sick leave and so there's no money coming in which adds to the depression and stress he's feeling. It's a terrible thing to be vitally healthy and the support of the whole family and to suddenly have your health do a crash and burn like this.

The adultolescents are not much help and to add fuel to the fire, TB and I are also members of the sandwich generation which means we have elderly parents who are becoming needy. Right now most of that burden is on his sister and my brother but there is only so much that those two will be able to bear without help.

I need to regroup and refocus and try to relax all at the same time!

What! What happened to my menopause?

ARGH, I thought my periods stopped at least a year and possibly even longer ago. I can't remember the last time I had a real period although looking back there may have been times when I had a very very very light day or two ... does that count? If that counts then it hasn't been a full year! I guess I better call my "groinacologist"! That's what you are supposed to do if you have bleeding post menopause.

The cause of uterine bleeding postmenopause may be harmless; however, it's important to understand that there may be other causes of abnormal bleeding such as:

* uterine fibroid tumors
* a hormonal imbalance
* the use of birth control pills
* non-cancerous growths in the lining of the uterus

I need any of the above like I need another hole in my head! Isn't it bad enough I have another infection and my sugar has been too high for the last 10 days?

However...I have to relax and not think about it because I don't want any more cortisol coursing through my body wreaking more havoc! Time to play mindless online computer games!

Pink For October

I lost two of my first cousins to breast cancer. My first husband's aunt lost her nearly 20 year battle around this time last year.

My aunt had surgery to remove a mass several years ago. Another cousin had a scare. I had a scare.

Cancer is an ugly insidious disease.

October is breast cancer awareness month and that's why I'm going Pink For October.