Causing my own problem

My daughter and I are still hanging in with Weight Watchers...and we've been to a gym to work out three times. Hmmm...we need to do better but I guess everything is baby steps? Still, I feel like I need to push myself. I've been saving this bit of inspiration from Beliefnet and it's very timely for me:

Are You Causing Your Own Problem?

A wise person once told me "You're holding on to your excess weight." Can we talk candidly about that?

For many people with weight problems, the truth is we are simply holding onto and continuing habits and psychological hang-ups that keep us fat. There's some part of us that is MAKING OURSELVES FAT.

Get to the root of this, attend to it, and you will no longer have a weight problem.

For me, I discovered that I was avoiding intimacy. Being obese is an excellent, effective way to avoid intimacy and committed relationships! As a teenager, I was terrified of expressing my sexual desires. This is because I had had some traumas in that area as a child. I unconsciously made myself weigh 400 pounds. Through a lot of work, some therapy, a lot of spiritual surrender, a lot of risk taking in letting myself be who I was � I have been healed of this terrible problem. It took awhile, though, and it was a lot of difficult work.

Facing the truth about yourself takes courage and diligence. It starts with the desire to really unlock the mystery behind the symptoms.

I encourage you to rally the courage in you, and face your demons. God is here, with you, with all of us, and will always help.

When I was younger--a teenager--I think I wanted to stay fat because I could avoid intimacy. I remember that as I lost weight and young men expressed interest in me, I felt really scared. I think it's one of Heidi's issues but when I brought the subject up (talking about me in those years), she didn't really respond and so I let it drop for now. I told her about how people's attitudes toward me changed once I lost weight and she seemed to get annoyed about that. Maybe I shouldn't put that idea in her head!

As for what's going on now...it's not fear of intimacy anymore. There's something else going on, a sense of fatigue and a "oh, what's the use?" I think it's because I tried and failed so many times I've set myself up for that again. I have to change that or it'll just be a self fulfilling prophecy.

I joined the exercise club hoping I would feel motivated to go and work out now that I'm paying for it. I'm finding that I'm going to have to keep pushing myself. It would be too easy to come up with reasons not to go...

...it's too far
...it's too cold
...I'm tired
...I've got so much else to do...

I've got to do what the newsletter says and give myself a big kick in the tush!