Almost Back to Square 1

Once I fell down the well of Reese's white chocolate peanut cups I felt too embarrassed and angry with myself to post anymore. Of course, I gained back most of the weight I lost. I still refuse to give up and am getting myself back on track. I am looking for and reading other weight loss blogs to help me keep focused. My most recent find is Just Weight Loss and I found several things in common -- we both weigh around the same, both had success with WW and both are now working on our own. It's really hard to do without support but I can't afford WW!

I was watching Dr. Phil the other day and he was advising a 15 year old girl about whether or not she should try to maintain a relationship with her drug addicted mother. Mom would get clean and sober and then relapse and the girl would feel abandoned again. Dr. Phil said to her that past behavior predicts the future's and that the girl's mom would probably relapse again and again. He advised her to love her mother and be emotionally supportive but to set boundaries.

So what does this have to do with me and weight loss? Substitute chocolate for heroin and there I am! I've been to the WW program 3 or 4 times since 1972 and I've successfully lost weight every time. I've never made it to maintenance, though, and have always relapsed and regained all the weight and then some. Sometimes I wonder if it's all worth it, won't I just get fat again?

If I can get to a maintenance program, though, I think I'll have better coping skills. I've never been on maintenance before. How will I do that if I can't afford WW now? I think I've got to do a lot of it on my own, with as much online support as I can find. I need to do this not only for myself but for my kids and not just so that I can be around for them. Two are combatting serious weight problems and how can I help at all if I don't set a good example?